


Acts of Courage

by xcourtney_chaoticx



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Major Original Character(s), Original Character Death(s), Original Character(s), Tarsus IV, poor jim can't get a break
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-22
Updated: 2014-02-22
Packaged: 2018-01-13 08:35:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1219699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xcourtney_chaoticx/pseuds/xcourtney_chaoticx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thirteen year old Jimmy Kirk could not possibly be more excited to leave Iowa for a brand new world and family he's never met out on the agricultural colony of Tarsus IV. Earth has become a place of sadness and suffering for him, and he just knows Tarsus IV will be different.</p><p>Rated for future chapters containing violence. Warnings will appear at the beginning of said chapters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. So God Made A Farmer

Going to live with your Aunt Aurelia ('Ellie', your father's elder sister) and Uncle Leslie, as well as your cousins Matilda (age sixteen) and Phineus (age twelve), is a godsend. Your mother is never on-planet, your stepfather is verbally and physically abusive and neglectful, and your brother Sam had run away a year ago. Your trip to the colony on Tarsus IV is your mother's reward for your good behavior during your punishment for stealing and destroying your father's antique Corvette after Sam left, and you are all too happy to leave Riverside, Iowa for people who are actually excited to see you.

You have never met Aunt Ellie or Uncle Leslie in person, though you'd had some very nice conversations via comm. Ellie seems delighted to have her nephew staying for a while, and she's promised to tell you great stories of the father you've never known. Tillie and Finn are especially excited to have a new friend. When you arrive on Tarsus IV, Aunt Ellie sweeps you up in her arms, and the other family member quickly follow suit. Their love is overwhelming, something you haven't quite experienced in your thirteen years of life.

"Oh, Jimmy!" Ellie exclaims, "Look at you! Oh, you're so handsome. You look just like George did at your age. Now don't look like that. I know you're angry with him, so was I for a long while. Come along, sweetie, I've got crazy stories of your father for days…"

You like Aunt Ellie a lot. She resembles pictures of your father you've seen, with the same golden hair and sky blue eyes genetics handed you, her face very kind and gently lined. Uncle Leslie's face is similarly gentle, though his hair is a deep auburn and his eyes a warm brown. He would be considered tall and handsome in his middle age. Tillie and Finn both have their father's dark auburn hair, though only Tillie possesses the Kirk blue eyes. You imagine Tillie had several youths her age interested in dating her.

Aunt Ellie and Uncle Leslie lead you out of the transport hub and to their home, a cozy little place on the outskirts of town. It is a town that reminds you vaguely of Iowa, entirely comprised of about 8,000 colonists and a few Starfleet scientists working on agricultural issues. There is a sizeable town square surrounded by shops and the colonial governmental building reminiscent of a town hall from Earth's early 20th century. Everyone seemed to know everyone else, just like in any small town on Earth, and most of the colonists you pass greet Aunt Ellie and Uncle Leslie cheerfully and introduce themselves to you. You like the pleasant atmosphere of the colony, so different from Riverside where everyone either pities you or expects too much. It's nice to be just Ellie and Leslie's nephew instead of George Kirk's son.

Once home (and you do already think of it as home), Tillie and Finn have a minor argument over who gets to show you around the house that ends only when Uncle Leslie wonders aloud why they _both_ can't do it. You find yourself quickly dragged off through the house by your cousins. The home is a charming one, one-story only with a crawl space attic and a small basement, three bedrooms, two full bathrooms, and nice-sized yard in the rear where they keep a small vegetable garden.

"See, Jimmy, we have a great big yard where me and you can play ball with my friends!" Finn chirped, "You'll probably meet all of 'em tomorrow or something. You'll like 'em a lot!"

"Yeah, and we'll set you up a little spot in the garden so you can grow your own veggies. It's a really good feeling, eating what you've grown yourself," Tillie adds.

"That sounds fun," you reply, "I've never had a garden before."

"Really? Well, you'll learn all about growing food while you're here," she states matter-of-factly, "Tarsus IV is an agricultural colony. The scientists here are studying how crops grow in varying soils and genetic modifications like hybridization to help crops grow better and different kinds of irrigation. It's all really interesting. We'll have to go out to the lab farms sometime. The scientists are super nice."

"I'd reckon they would be, if they're trying to find out how to grow food better to make sure no one goes hungry," you reply.

Tillie grins widely as Aunt Ellie calls, "Y'all come in now and help me with dinner! We've got a lot to do for Jimmy! Hurry up!"

The three of you run for the door, and you ask, "What can I do to help, Aunt Ellie?"

"No, not tonight. Tonight is your welcome dinner, so all I want to you to do is go to your room and rest up. You must be awfully tired. You'll be sharing with Finn, if you remember. You just go do whatever you'd like 'til dinner's ready, and don't you worry. Winona sent me a list of your food allergies," Aunt Ellie tells you.

So, you do as Ellie told you and head to the room you share with Finn; they've set up a comfortable cot for your stay. The walls are an off-white, but the ceiling has been painted like a night sky. Stars of white, yellow, red, and blue stand out against the inky black swirled with indigo. Finn has decorated the walls with old photographs of antique cars and trucks and tractors, as well as modern starships. (You recall from you earlier tour that while Tillie's walls are the same off-white, she has decorated with tractors and horses and landscapes from the American West, and her ceiling is a pale blue, painted with fluffy white clouds.) You flop down onto your cot, hearing it creak gently under your weight.

This is a fresh start. No one on Tarsus IV knows you as George Kirk's son. You are simply the new kid arrived from Earth, Ellie and Leslie's bright nephew Jimmy, here to see how colonies operate and experience a life different from the one he knew. You are expected to get your hands dirty in work _you_ like, work you admire.

Agriculture has always held a special place in your heart. The local farmers around Riverside still worked the old-fashioned way, with mules and tractors and huge combines. They still raised chickens and pigs and sheep and cattle and horses, still needed to rise early to milk cows and feed livestock and bale hay. You like farming because it's so far from space, deeply rooted in the earth instead. It's so different from the work that took your father's life and kept your mother away, so different from Frank's work in the shipyard. While you feel an inexorable pull to space (it's where you were born, after all, and it's been said you have stardust in your veins), you also feel solidly tied to Earth, to terra firma. You've always loved hearing the old farmers talk about hard winters and great harvests and tough nights staying up with sick animals or newborn stock, and they loved talking to someone young and interested in that hard work. Yes, you're sure you'll like it here on Tarsus. Maybe your mother will let you stay if you ask nicely.

_Today is a good day_ , you think to yourself, looking at the calendar on Finn's wall, _March 3, 2246. I'm gonna remember this day as a good one. A very, very good day._

You give a quiet sigh, allowing the calm of this place to wash over you. There is the smell of fresh air mingled with earth and fertilizer. The scent of dinner cooking wafts through the cracked door. Strange, melodious birdsong can be heard outside. You take a deep breath and release it slowly, allowing a small smile onto your face. Maybe if you ask very nicely, you will be allowed to stay.

"Jimmy! Time for dinner!"

Aunt Ellie's voice pulls you out of your reverie, and you hurry out to the kitchen where Uncle Leslie gently orders you and your cousins to wash up, which you all do obediently before sitting down.

"You're gonna love it, Jimmy!" Finn says cheerfully.

"Here now," Uncle Leslie explains, setting a plate on the table, "We've got a nice bit of pork here, a nice tenderloin from a neighbor's pig they butchered not long ago. Here's corn, string beans, and some delicious mashed potatoes, all grown here on the colony."

"Sure smells great," you say, "I really appreciate it."

"Don't you worry about it," he replies, "You just eat your fill, Jimmy."

That's a phrase you're sure you've never heard before. Tillie goes about doling out portions of each dish to everyone's plate, trying to be a good hostess though you aren't sure why. You politely wait for everyone to be served and for Aunt Ellie to tell everyone to tuck in, then begin shoveling food into your mouth at record pace. (You don't see Aunt Ellie and Uncle Leslie sharing a look.) You hear Tillie say, "Hey, Jimmy, slow down! You'll make yourself sick. Y'know it's not gonna go away."

"Sorry, I'm just used to only having a certain amount of time to eat."

"What? What does that mean?" Finn asks.

You open your mouth to answer that Frank set a twenty minute window for dinner every night before he took away plates and put food away for the next day, and woe betide if you weren't there for those twenty minutes because you wouldn't get dinner at all that night, but Aunt Ellie interrupted with, "You don't have to worry about that here, sweetie. There's plenty of food and plenty of time for you to eat."

You give her a smile and somehow manage to slow down your food intake just a bit. The food is even more delicious when you slow down to savor it, so much better than the prepackaged crap Frank would heat up. The other great thing is conversation. Tillie and Finn tell all about their days and what they've been doing in school. Uncle Leslie complains about his customers at the feed store, and Aunt Ellie talks about the work she does at the shop where she repairs farm equipment. It's a nice change from tense silence.

"So what have you done in school in Iowa, Jimmy?" Aunt Ellie asks.

"Just regular school stuff, I guess," you reply, "I've been doing real good in science and math. One of my teachers even said I was a genius and wanted me to move up a few grades."

"Well, that's wonderful! We'll have to have you tested to see what grade you should be in here… unless you just wanna be with kids your own age. I won't force you into anything you don't want to do."

Something else that's new. You contemplate her offer, then say, "Well… I guess I'd rather be with kids my age. It might be easier to make friends that way."

"Alright, then we'll go on Monday and get you all set up."

This must be what it feels like to be part of a family. It's pretty great. That night, for the first time in a long while, you fall asleep with a full belly and a grin on your face.

  
_...God said, "I need somebody strong enough to clear trees and heave bails, yet gentle enough to tame lambs and wean pigs and tend the pink-combed pullets, who will stop his mower for an hour to splint the broken leg of a meadow lark._

_It had to be somebody who'd plow deep and straight and not cut corners._

_Somebody to seed, weed, feed, breed and rake and disc and plow and plant and tie the fleece and strain the milk and replenish the self-feeder and finish a hard week's work with a five-mile drive to church._

_"Somebody who'd bale a family together with the soft strong bonds of sharing, who would laugh and then sigh, and then reply, with smiling eyes, when his son says he wants to spend his life 'doing what dad does.'"_

_So God made a farmer._

_-_ Paul Harvey, 1978 speech to National FFA Convention


	2. To Feel Like I Belong

"Hi there! My name's Kevin! Kevin Riley!"

"And I'm Westcott Mulcahy! Most everybody just calls me West."

"Hi!" you respond cheerfully, "My name's Jimmy Kirk. I'm here to live with my aunt and uncle, the Applegates."

"Yeah, I know your cousin Tillie. She's in class with my brother," West tells you.

"Well, it's nice to meet you guys. I wasn't sure I would make any friends here…"

"Then we'll be your first friends," Kevin says proudly, "You should sit with us at lunch tomorrow so we can introduce you to our friends."

"Yeah, like-"

" _West!_ "

A taller boy with dark hair like West comes over, saying, "West, we have to get home. Father's waiting. We've got that fancy dinner tonight, remember?"

"Aw, but I just made friends with Jimmy! And I hate those stuffy dinners!"

"I don't care. Father told me to make sure you and Effie get home in time, so I am. Hurry up and get your things."

West sighs dramatically, introducing you, "Whit, Effie, this is Jimmy Kirk. He's here to stay with the Applegates. Jimmy, this is my older brother Whit, short for Whittaker, and my little sister Winifred. We just call her Effie."

You wave politely to Effie, who uses Whit like a shield. You can barely see her. West bids you and Kevin a farewell, leaving the two of you alone.

"So, Jimmy, what do you wanna study here?"

"Well, it's an agricultural colony, so I'm really just looking forward to learning all I can about ag. My teachers back home had me already looking into high school chemistry and physics, so I just want something different."

"Wow, really? Physics and chemistry? That's pretty impressive for a thirteen year old," Kevin states.

"I've always been good at it, but ag science seems cooler. I lived near a bunch of old farms…"

You tell Kevin of the grizzled old farmers you loved talking to about mechanics and farming and surviving in the wild and animal husbandry. He seems awed by your tales of Iowa.

"I grew up on a few different colonies," he explains, "My parents are scientists here, so we've lived on a few different planets, but none of them were Earth. Most of the colonists came right from there, but some are like me and have never even seen Earth in real life."

"And I've never been anywhere but Earth."

At that moment, Finn rushes over with Tillie, and you tell Kevin goodbye as you head for home, where Tillie helps you plant some simple, easy to grow vegetables in your garden plot. Soon, your hands are covered with dirt, and you feel proud as you pick earth from beneath your fingernails and brush it from the knees of your trousers. Tillie grins at you, then reaches over and smudges dirt over your forehead with a giggle. You laugh wildly and fight back, throwing a handful of dirt at her. It isn't long before the two of you are covered in dirt and mud and cackling madly. Aunt Ellie makes a show of being upset at you being dirty and offers to spray you down with the hose.

Only after you and your cousins (as Finn ran out to join the fun) are thoroughly soaked does Aunt Ellie usher you inside and straight to separate bathrooms to dry off. It was a lot of fun.

For three months, life feels perfect. You make plenty of friends, starting with Kevin and West, you do well in school, and you fit in well with your aunt and uncle's family. They treat you with love and respect. Any misbehavior is treated with a gentle but firm rebuke and perhaps a mild punishment, nothing like Frank's screaming and hitting. You're well-fed, happy, and loved. Uncle Leslie even takes you shopping when he realizes all your clothes are worn hand-me-downs.

Your favorite is when Tillie and Uncle Leslie took you to visit the laboratories where the scientists all worked. It was incredibly fascinating. One of them, Dr. Georgia Washington, seemed familiar with your cousin and uncle and greeted them warmly.

"…and this is my nephew, Jimmy Kirk."

She held out her hand with a smile, saying, "Hey there, Jimmy. I'm Dr. Washington, but everyone just calls me Georgia. It's very nice to meet you."

"It's very nice to meet you, too, Georgia."

"Leslie tells me you're interested in agriculture," she said, "Come with me, Jimmy. I'll show you some of the cool stuff we're working on."

You trail behind the dark-skinned scientist, eager to see the projects.

"We work on a lot of great ideas here," Georgia explained, "We've worked on increasing crop yields, growing better feed for livestock, and increasing the nutritional value of certain crops. Right now, we're testing ways to avoid blights caused by certain fungi, maybe even eradicate them. This is all done in a secure environment, one that's completely sterile. We've come a long way, but we still have a lot of work left to do. Some of these fungi are pretty tough to get rid of."

A pair of scientists worked calmly in the sterile lab, doing things that looked very scientific and complicated. You were quite interested in it nonetheless, watching intently until Georgia ushered you out to several large pens housing different types of livestock: cows, sheep, chickens, goats, pigs, and even an alpaca. Georgia told you what they did as far as genetic animal experiments, from how to increase the nutrition of cow's milk to increasing wool production in sheep and alpaca. They even have horses there, which interest you the most. (You've always had a great affinity for horses, always felt drawn to them, and they always seem to like you in return.)

"Is any of this work you might be interested in one day? I've heard you're very good at math and science," Dr. Washington remarked.

"I might be," you replied, "I liked the old farms I lived near in Iowa, always liked the idea of the work they talked about, how they said it was real hard but real fulfilling at the same time. I think I'd like to help them out a little… y'know, as much as I can."

"That's better than skill, that attitude. Well, I hope you make the difference you want to make. Here, we've got some fresh eggs for your Aunt Ellie for a machine part she got for us. You'll take them home, won't you?"

Everyone enjoyed the two dozen fresh eggs for breakfast the next morning. You liked Dr. Washington a lot.

A few days later you are playing at West's house with West and Kevin. The Mulcahy home is a fine, two-story house with plenty of space indoors and out. Tillie and Finn often accompanied you there. Kevin, Finn, West, and you would run around the huge yard, playing at games like Starfleet and Klingons or Save the Princess from the Gorn, making noise as only boys can. Tillie joined in your games happily, but the youngest Mulcahy did not.

Effie is eleven but small, with pale skin and grey eyes and two long, dark braids that always adorned her head. Sometimes she watched your games from the porch, never asking to join, though you thought she might want to. Other times, she would hide away with a large on book on whatever topic interested her at the moment. You tried to ask her once about a tome she was reading on old Terran religions, but she merely blinked at you and hid behind the pages until you went away. You're quite sure you've never heard her speak at all.

"Effie's always been quiet and shy," West tells you.

"Why?"

"We dunno. She just always has been. She barely even speaks to us, and we're her family. Anyway, come on, Jimmy. I wanna go climb that tree!"

You nearly forget about the quiet little mouse called Effie. You always wonder about the silent girl with the braids who watches your games.

The time for games ends soon enough.

  
_I have often dreamed of a far off place_  
Where a great warm welcome will be waiting for me  
Where the crowds will cheer when they see my face  
And a voice keeps saying this is where I'm meant to be 

_I will find my way, I can go the distance_  
I'll be there someday - If I can be strong  
I know every mile will be worth my while  
I would go most anywhere to feel like I belong  
-Disney's Hercules, Go the Distance


	3. Can't Be Made Worse

The famine creeps up slowly, then all at once.

It begins with a report of a break-in at the science center. There is apparently nothing of import taken, and no further mention is made of it. Aunt Ellie and Uncle Leslie seem a bit perturbed but try not to show it in front of you and your cousins. This occurs three months after your arrival on Tarsus IV.

Two weeks after the break-in, reports come in from the big farms. The crops have been hit by some sort of blight. Crop yields will be at a record low this harvest, and everyone should be prepared to deal with a certain level of hardship until they can receive Federation aid. You remember the old stories from Iowa about droughts and famines and blights, of extreme hardship and hunger. You begin to mentally prepare yourself for the hunger; it's not something you're unfamiliar with. Your cousins will have a harder time. Tillie, at nearly seventeen, understands exactly what's happening, but Finn needs some more explanation.

"It'll be okay," you tell Tillie and Finn one day, "I mean, it's hard at first, being hungry all the time, but you get used to it after a little bit."

"How would you know?" Finn asks.

"My stepfather was really mean a lot of the time, and my mom was always away, so he was the only one there. Usually, his punishment was to send us to bed without eating, and sometimes he only bought enough food for himself and spent the rest of the money somewhere else, so me and my brother really had to scrounge. We were hungry a lot. You get used to it. Trust me."

Tillie and Finn are silent for a while after that. It would appear that Aunt Ellie and Uncle Leslie neglected to inform your cousins of your neglect, trying to keep the truth of the cruelty of the world away from them for a while longer. No such truth was kept from you. You vaguely wonder what will happen when Uncle Leslie calls everyone to dinner, and you find it almost funny how determined your aunt and uncle are to keep the full truth from you.

Another two weeks after the famine is announced, Aunt Ellie and Uncle Leslie argue quietly. You are supposed to be in bed, but you had gotten up to use the bathroom and clearly not been heard.

"They need to understand what's going on, Leslie! They'll figure it out soon enough, so we might as well tell them!"

"They're just _children_ , we should spare them-"

"What? And wait 'til they're starving before we tell them why? They have a right to know!"

"We shouldn't burden them unnecessarily, Aurelia! They shouldn't have to worry!"

"No, they shouldn't, but we haven't got that luxury anymore, dear. Tillie's not stupid, and neither are Finn and Jimmy… especially not Jimmy, though he may handle it best. You know what that jackass Frank did. Winona told us. Now, Leslie, you can either help me tell them or watch me do it because I will do it one way or the other. They _need_ to be told."

A pause. A sigh.

"I suppose you're right, Ellie. As usual. We'll do it tomorrow."

You creep into the bathroom, not wanting them to know you heard them. The next day, they sit you, Finn, and Tillie down in the living room and gently explain that food will be scarce this year.

"We're sorry this had to happen while you're here, Jimmy," Ellie tells you, "We'll see if we can get you home soon."

"What about you guys?" you ask.

"Oh, we'll manage, sweetie, don't you wor-"

"No!" you exclaim, "I can starve here or starve there, and I'd rather do it here because at least you care that I'm hungry…"

Aunt Ellie and Uncle Leslie share a look, a silent conversation, before Leslie agrees, "Alright, and if we leave, we'll take you with us. We'll do our best to make sure you don't go back to Riverside, but we can't make any promises, understand?"

"Yessir."

You don't get your hopes up. The adults begin to explain to the three of you how you'll need to ration what food is there for however long this famine will last when Tillie asks, "But the governor said he would contact Starfleet for aid, right? Shouldn't they come soon? I mean, don't they have to help?"

"We don't know how long they'll take, sweetie," Uncle Leslie says gently, "We'll be alright. We'll manage."

Tillie and Finn don't look too optimistic about that, but you're sure it will be fine. Tillie was right. Starfleet, by Federation law, is required to provide aid to any Federation planet or colony when asked for assistance or alerted to a crisis. That wouldn't take more than a week or two with the position of Tarsus IV in the system, and there was still plenty of food left to last that long. You aren't concerned quite yet.

When the governor announces a month later that Starfleet has abandoned them to their fate, you become concerned. That makes no sense. If Gov. Kodos called for Federation aid from Starfleet, then Starfleet was required to come and give it. It isn't even difficult. Starfleet ships are constantly doing supply runs for other colonies; your mother does them for a living. The right ship wouldn't even have to divert its course. This leads you to a shocking conclusion: Kodos never made the call. You try to tell your aunt and uncle, but they're to busy calming your cousins. The people in the square have varying reactions. They cry. They scream. They rage. A cacophony of fury and despair rises up from the crowd and nearly deafens. Off to the side of the square, you can see the scientists, and with a brief mention to Aunt Ellie, you push way through the throng to speak to them. The news gets worse.

"He's lying," Dr. Washington hisses to you, "There's no way Starfleet would abandon us. They're not allowed. I don't think he contacted Starfleet at all, and what's worse, _no one_ can call off-planet. No one. The comms in all the labs have been jammed. Plus, I've heard from other colonists that they can't call out either. It's very fishy."

It's also very fishy when the science center burns to the ground not a week later, killing every single Federation scientist on Tarsus IV, including Dr. Washington. You liked her very much, and the news is very upsetting, but you feel there's no use in crying about it. Survival matters more. You'll grieve when it's over.

Food becomes scarce quickly, and you do your best to help your family. Most of the colonists avoid the woods that surround the colony, but you see opportunity. They are full of wildlife and edible plants. You often go in with Kevin and West to gather the plants and berries and trap some game. The farmers in Iowa were true people of the land, and they knew how to live off it even during hardship. Once your fingers remember how to make the small game snares, you have no trouble bringing home squirrel- and rabbit-like creatures to supplement the meager government rations. You've seen larger animals that resemble deer, but you have neither the skill to kill it nor the ability to get it home unseen.

At home, you try to eat the bare minimum in order to save more for Tillie and Finn, eating just enough to stave off the worst of the hunger. Tillie and Finn are initially uneasy about eating the small animals you've trapped and killed, but they quickly overcome it when the last of the livestock is killed for the little meat left on its bones. After two months, the governor issues an order for a curfew, dusk to dawn, and you see little of West.

"My parents don't want me leaving the town anymore," he tells you sadly, "They don't even really want me leaving the house. Something about me being a target because they work for the governor, and people might try to hurt me. I wish I could still hunt and stuff with you, Jimmy…"

"It's okay. Your mom and dad are just worried about you," you reply.

The two of sit and talk near the square for a bit before little Effie turns up. You rarely see her anymore (not that you saw her a whole lot before). Her face, which used to be round with baby fat, thinned dramatically, along with the rest of her body. The once healthy-looking girl is now willow-thin. The only thing that remains the same are her two long dark braids.

"There you are, West," she says, "Mother's been worried about you."

"I haven't even been gone for twenty minutes," West complains, "What does she want?"

Effie shrugs her bony shoulders, answering, "I dunno. She just said to come find you and tell you to come home."

You're shocked to hear her speak more than three words at a time. West huffs loudly beside you but complies with his mother's wishes, getting to his feet slowly. You look to the girl and greet her, "Hey, Effie. How are you? I mean, considering what's happening…"

"I'm okay, I guess. Mother and Father are just overprotective suddenly and don't really want us outside anymore. Anyway, we have to go home. Bye bye, Jimmy."

"Bye, Effie. Bye, West. Hopefully, I'll see you soon."

You sit on the bench for a little longer, but after a few minutes a government police officer comes by and tells you to stop loitering and leave. You have to stop yourself from asking when it became illegal to sit in the town square in the middle of the day. It wouldn't be smart to mouth off to the government police when Kodos just announced martial law. You go home as you are told. Dinner that night is a weak broth with a small bit of game and vegetables. It's barely satisfying. You wonder when this will all be over, or at least when it will get better.

  
_Things are never so bad_

_that they can't be made worse._

-John Huston, 'The African Queen' (film)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning for my next chapter, I'm gonna get into some pretty heavy stuff that may be triggering. I'll post a better warning with the chapter at the beginning. Reviews and concrit would be lovely.


	4. The Hour of Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter features mildly graphic descriptions of a mass killing as mentioned in Star Trek: The Original Series. This scene/chapter may be triggering to some. I repeat, this chapter features the description of a mass killing from someone who was present. This will be triggering to some. Please read at your own discretion.
> 
> A/N: I have also included a new POV in this chapter, which is Effie Mulcahy. She is becoming a pretty important OC to me, so I thought I'd bring her out for everyone to meet for real.

Three months and ten days pass from the beginning of the famine to Gov. Kodos' announcement in the square that he had come up with a final solution to their ongoing problem. The words ring in your ears uncomfortably, like a warning bell. The people in the square cheer at his words except for a few like you, worried by what was said though not exactly sure why. There is little food left to feed the 8,000 colonists and no meat at all save for what is in the woods, where even you hardly venture anymore due to severe restrictions placed on the colonists. You aren't surprised the people welcome any solution.

The next day begins as any other. You wake whenever you do and have no breakfast. (Everyone has been restricted to one 'meal' a day for weeks now.) No one does very much during the day; none of you have the strength to do anything. You've spent your days reading, since it requires little effort. September 7, 2246 is a day like all others lately… until it isn't.

The police come to your door at 1:42 PM. They pound on the door until Aunt Ellie answers it, at which point they barge in and demand, "Where is James Tiberius Kirk?"

You get to your feet and enter the small foyer to find three policemen. Upon seeing you, one reaches over and grabs you roughly by the arm. Another reads aloud from a PADD, "James Tiberius Kirk, your life has been deemed detrimental to the continued existence of this colony. As such, you have been sentenced to extermination. This is so ordered, signed Kodos, governor of Tarsus IV."

Fear grips your heart. Extermination means death. They intend to kill you and who knows how many other colonists. You turn to your family, eyes wide and horrified. Finn is crying loudly. Tillie looks ready to faint or be sick. Aunt Ellie and Uncle Leslie become hysterical, screaming and crying and begging to be taken instead. The police merely hold them back as you are dragged from the house. You choke down your fear as quick as you can. You do not want them to know you are afraid because they _want_ you to be afraid. You will not give them the satisfaction.

They take you to the town square, where a large herd of people has already been corralled in the middle. A makeshift fence surrounds the square and is guarded by police armed with phaser rifles and pistols. Your heart pounds wildly in your chest as you look around. Cattle. They are rounding up people like cattle for the slaughter. Bile rises up in your throat as you briefly wonder if they'll eat you when you're all dead. You remember tales of lost pioneers in the Old American Frontier, trapped in mountain passes and forced to eat each other to survive. Is Kodos being proactive and creating the dead instead of letting starvation take care of it?

People fill the square even more as the day goes on, most wailing and screaming and pleading. Few arrive in defiant silence as you had. Kodos is indiscriminate in his choice of victims. You see men, women, children. The very old and the very young. Mothers with young children. The clamor is deafening, the stench overwhelming, the press of the crowd suffocating. The town square was not meant to hold so many people in such close quarters. You wonder who else is in the throng.

Your legs begin to ache as the sun drops lower in the sky, but you dare not try to sit for fear of being trampled. You drift in and out of focus, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

 _This isn't fair,_ you think idly, _I've survived being blown up by Romulans when I was born, survived child neglect and abuse, survived driving a damn car off a cliff… and I'm gonna die here? I'm gonna die on this tiny colony because some crazy bastard thinks I'm unnecessary? No. I will not give in._

You snap back to reality in time to hear the end of a speech by Kodos.

"…The revolution is successful. But survival depends on drastic measures. Your continued existence represents a threat to the well-being of society. Your lives mean slow death to the more valued members of the colony. Therefore, I have no alternative but to sentence you to death. Your execution is so ordered, signed Kodos, governor of Tarsus IV."

The clamor in the square gets impossibly louder as the people begin to scream, pleading for their lives or the lives of their children. The same defiant thought goes through your head: _I will not die here today._

"Ready!"

_I will not die here today._

"Aim!"

_I will not die here today!_

"FIRE!"

_NOT TODAY!_

You throw yourself to the ground as the phasers fire off, praying you won't be crushed to death by the newly dead falling on and around you. You still use the bodies for cover. The screams briefly rise in volume once more before being sharply cut off. Muffled sobs and moans are soon silenced by more shots, and you do your best to play dead, to look like just another body trapped under so many more. You wonder if anyone else has survived as you have, hiding under the dead to stay alive.

"Should we post a watch on the square?" a voice asks after a while.

"A watch for what?" another laughs sharply, "Ghosts? Nah, we'll just watch the usual posts."

Your stomach twists as they laugh. You wait a long while, until it's dark and silent, before you climb out from your hiding place. It's pitch dark except for the stars, no moon to be seen. You clamber to your feet, shaking from cold and adrenaline and horror and hunger, and let out a hoarse whisper of, "Hello? Anyone there?"

Across the square, you see a series of small shadows emerge from the pile of bodies and approach slowly. There are sixteen others who have survived the massacre, all children. Among them are Kevin Riley, whose parents were killed in the 'accident' at the lab, and Effie Mulcahy. The youngest is a little four-year-old boy. You and Kevin are the oldest at thirteen. Very carefully, you, Kevin, and Effie lead the children out of the square, through the town, and into the woods under cover of darkness. The children are blessedly silent along the way, for which you are eternally grateful. You all huddle together for warmth once safe, waiting for dawn when you'll be able to figure out where you are and find a better place to hide. Effie clings to your side through the night, clutching the four-year-old to her chest.

xXxXx

Life during the famine has not been so bad in the Mulcahy household. You've had more to eat than most courtesy of your father's position in the colonial government and value to Gov. Kodos. In return for his loyalty, the governor provides an extra ration of food for every member of your family to keep you all relatively well-fed. The situation is quickly becoming dire. You are only eleven and you can tell that. You eat less to try and make sure there is enough for everyone else, and you even propose turning down the extra rations to aid the good of the colony; your parents refuse. Their selfishness rankles you, makes you angry. So what if they're afraid of starving? So is everyone else in the colony. Your brothers, Whit and West, seem upset by it, too.

"They'll realize they're wrong soon, Effie," Whit tells you softly, "Don't worry, okay?"

You aren't worried. You're just angry… maybe a bit worried. It occasionally occurs to you that you may not live to see twelve. Mother and Father forbade you and your brothers to leave the house long ago for fear others seeing you more well-fed and harming you or starting a riot. You wonder how everyone else is handling the famine.

When Kodos announces he has a solution to the famine, you are skeptical. He hasn't even contacted Starfleet yet, how could he come up with a solution? Oh, yes, you know all the dirty little secrets of this famine, and you think it's part of the reason for your house arrest. You know he never contacted the 'Fleet or Federation in any way and made sure no one else could either. You know he killed all the scientists so they wouldn't be able to fix the communications system. He imposed martial law to keep the people in check. The famine made them too weak to resist. He used their trust to prop up his tyrannical regime and control them as he pleased. You can see and understand and you're only eleven. An incredibly intelligent and perceptive eleven, but eleven nonetheless. How can no one else see it? Has malnutrition affected their brains?

You overhear Kodos speaking to your parents that night. He tells them that the coming days will be difficult for them and the entire colony.

"But you need to be strong, Mr. and Mrs. Mulcahy," Kodos says, "Your loyalty will be tested, but I have no doubt it will be proven. Be strong."

You wonder what it means until the next day. The police come to your house at 3:16 PM. They pound on the door until West answers it.

"Where is Winifred Anne Mulcahy?"

You step into the foyer to face them. One grabs your arm roughly as another reads from a PADD, "Winifred Anne Mulcahy, your life has been deemed detrimental to the continued existence of this colony. As such, you have been sentenced to extermination. This is so ordered, signed Kodos, governor of Tarsus IV."

Panicked and frightened, you turn to your family. Your brothers cry out, cursing the police and lunging for you, tears streaming down their faces. Your parents do not move at all. They simply look on with resigned sadness. It is then you realize that _you_ are the test of loyalty, the price to be paid so that they may continue to live better than everyone else. You are a pawn in a high-stakes game of chess, easily sacrificed to keep the more valuable pieces safe. Your tears dry up. Your fear dissipates. You set your face into a stony mask, unwilling to allow any emotion show through.

 _I will not let this be their victory_ , you think fiercely as you are marched to the square, _I will not let them think they can get away with this. Survive, Winifred. I must survive whatever is thrown at me. If there is a God or Supreme Being or Great Mother of any kind listening now, You need to let me live. I need to survive and bring justice down on Kodos and my parents. They will be punished._

You read voraciously and always have since you were two, and your favorite subject has always been religion of any kind. You've read on Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, the ancient Terran belief systems and modern xenoreligions. It's your favorite subject for learning and conversation, though few people in this modern age are concerned with religion anymore. It is often seen as the realm of the weak-minded and gullible, for those who are easily tricked into believing anything.

_We'll see whose laughing when my prayers for survival and vengeance are answered…_

The square is noisy and foul, filled to capacity with people of all ages, creeds, and colors. Children shriek from hunger, their mothers wailing for mercy, their fathers raging and cursing Kodos' name. You try to ignore the throng even as you are jostled about by their movement. You express neither fear nor grief. You simply begin to plan your escape. The police guard the perimeter of the square, and every one is armed with a phaser or phaser rifle.

 _Kodos means to have us all shot, then_ …

You look around the square and wonder who else is here, who else has been ordered to die today. You do not sit down for fear of being trampled to death, but you do close your eyes, tilting your head down, and pray. A strange and sudden calm fills you, blocking out the rest of the world. You try to guess Who is listening to you, and you come to the decision that your deity is a Great Mother, one who cares for the children she helped create, a supreme matriarch over any other deities there may be. Your prayers are long strings of words that barely link up to create coherent thoughts, but you are sure She will understand.

[ _Please Mother help me live through this I will swear to help all others I meet if only I live will help all souls find peace I will be a Mother like You a Mother to many a Mother to all who need a Mother to all who seek peace if only You save me this day please Mother save me so I may save others so that I may exact justice on my family exact justice on the governor I will seek justice and peace from You Mother justice and peace through You Mother…_ ]

"…The revolution is successful. But survival depends on drastic measures. Your continued existence represents a threat to the well-being of society. Your lives mean slow death to the more valued members of the colony. Therefore, I have no alternative but to sentence you to death. Your execution is so ordered, signed Kodos, governor of Tarsus IV."

You stare coldly up at the governor, the man who boldly took control of 4,000 lives and deemed them worthless, wishing to remember his face as he casually sentenced everyone to death. The sound of charging phasers buzzes in your ears, barely audible over the discordant lamentations of the crowd. You can't see the outer edges of the square anymore. Perhaps that can work to your advantage.

"Ready!"

_Mother, protect me._

"Aim!"

_Mother, protect me!_

"FIRE!"

_MOTHER, PROTECT ME!_

The first shots hit the crowd, and you quickly place all your faith in this Great Mother you have suddenly found. You hurl yourself to the ground just as a nearby body falls, a look of horror etched on the still features. Later, you may feel ashamed to say you used the freshly dead to save yourself, but your mind is far from that notion just now. You are set on survival. The sounds of people screaming and dying and hitting the ground and the corpses are all around you. One corpse even falls on top of the one you're hiding under and nearly knocks the breath out of you. An age passes before complete silence falls save for the conversations of the police.

"Should we set a watch on the square?" one asks.

"A watch for what? Ghosts? Nah, we'll just watch the usual posts…"

They laugh as they walk away. Anger roils up in your chest at their flippancy. Did they not care at all that they had just helped murder 4,000 people? You wait a while longer, wondering when it will finally be safe to come out. That's when you hear a voice call out in a hoarse whisper, "Hello? Anyone there?"

You deem it safe enough to move and clamber out from beneath the bodies. You see a small figure silhouetted and barely visible in the moonless night. Around the square, other little shadows emerge from the mass of bodies. A chill runs up your spine that isn't caused by the night air. Everyone comes together, seventeen of you, all children between four and thirteen. The two oldest are your friends, Jimmy and Kevin. Quickly and carefully, the three of you lead the other children out of the square and into the woods where you could all be safe. The streets you take through the town are mercifully empty, and you meet no one on the way out. You keep the little four-year-old boy close, trying to keep your promise to the Great Mother. Once safely in the woods, you all huddle together for warmth. You in particular snuggle up against Jimmy's side with the little boy, called Alfie, clutched to your chest.

He does not survive the week.

  
_We say that the hour of death cannot be forecast,_

_but when we say this we imagine that hour as placed in an obscure and distant future._

_It never occurs to us that it has any connection with the day already begun_

_or that death could arrive this same afternoon,_

_this afternoon which is so certain_

_and which has every hour filled in advance._ ~Marcel Proust


	5. No One Is Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter does talk about young children dying and child abuse.

Five of the seventeen surviving children do not live another two weeks. Little Alfie is the first to go, and the other young ones, three five-year-olds and a six-year-old, soon follow. Effie is seemingly unaffected by their deaths, but you know better. You're sure she's just hiding her emotions like you are. You need to be strong for the others in this time. You watch as Effie takes the time, despite her hunger, to dig each child a grave and place a little wooden cross at the head of each one. She even stands and prays after finishing each one.

"Why do you do that?" you ask.

"They deserve dignity and a proper burial," Effie answers, "Poor kids had their families ripped away from them and had to die out here in the woods. See, I made a promise to the Great Mother that if She protected me and kept me alive, I would help everyone I could. So… I'm helping."

"Great Mother? What's that?"

"Not what. Who. I think it's weird that most people think a male God created everything when it's always been females who create life and have babies and everything. It makes sense if you think of God as a Mother instead of a Father."

"Is that who you were praying to? This Great Mother?"

"Yeah, of course. They're little kids. They need a mother more than anything."

The logic is unavoidable. It's pretty crazy that she thinks like that when she's just a kid herself. You turn your attention to the little wooden crosses and ask quietly, "Why crosses?"

"They're the easiest to make."

"Why dig graves at all?"

"Starfleet will probably want to know where they are when they come, y'know, to ID them…"

"What if Starfleet never comes, Effie?"

"They will. Don't worry."

"I hope you're right," you whisper.

"Me too."

The task now is simply to stay alive, which is easier in the woods where you are free from the restriction and curfews the town is under. You manage to locate some material on the edge of the woods to make some snares for small game, while Effie takes some of the smaller children to collect edible roots and berries. Two nights after the massacre and your escape, you alone made a daring trip back into town to retrieve your knife Aunt Ellie gave you and to let your family know you're alive. Your aunt and uncle cry when they see you, sure you had been murdered that day. You gently reassure them that you're doing alright and that several other children have survived. You give them their names.

"If any of them have family left and can be trusted, you should tell them they're alive."

You don't stop to wake Tillie or Finn. Aunt Ellie will tell them when they wake in the morning. With your knife in your pocket, you slipped out of the house and back into the woods without being seen, easily finding the small cave where you set up camp. The knife was the most important item to go back and get. With that, you can easily butcher the game you catch in your snares and get it into hungry bellies. Effie and Kevin help you quickly portion out the food according to everyone's needs, and you savor the first bite of the greasy meat, the first meat you've had in over a month. Effie encourages everyone to eat slowly, to make yourselves feel more full more easily. You all avoid the little row of five tiny graves.

Effie becomes a sort of den mother to everyone. She makes sure everyone gets their share of food, that everyone is warm at night, that everyone does their share of work. She even stays up nights with children who are plagued by nightmares of what happened, soothing them to sleep with lullabies of Earth's past. Sometimes, you would see Effie sitting off by herself, deep in thought; you can only assume she is praying to her Great Mother.

Your little band of survivors becomes a close-knit group, following a strict set of rules to insure continued survival. No one leaves the cave alone. No one goes near the town (which you and Effie occasionally break). Any food found or caught is to be split up for the group. There is no violence allowed for any reason.

"We need to be a family," you explained when you all arrived at the cave, "We need to take care of each other and keep each other alive. We've made it this far. We have to keep going."

There was no argument from anyone. You act as a family unit, with you and Effie at the head. You go out and snare small game, while she puts together groups for foraging. She even finds a small pond with a creek where she insists everyone bathe once a week, boys one day, and girls another. You both make sure everything runs smoothly in your exile.

During the entire exile, Effie breaks and cries only once, on what both of you figure as 12 October. She seemed upset and kept away from everyone else, so you finally approached her and asked, "Effie, what's wrong?"

She looked around the wooded area by the creek, checking to make sure you were alone. She took a deep breath and answered, "Today's Whit's birthday. He'll be sixteen.. Usually on our birthday, we get a big cake, and all of our friends come over to celebrate, and we get loads of presents. Me and Whit both really like books, but Whit likes science stuff, like astronomy. I had a real nice book picked out for this year for him, and I feel bad because West's birthday was in February and mine was in April but Whit's is today, and he can't celebrate! He probably thinks I'm dead! What if he's dead? What if they starve to death, him and West?! What if I never see 'em again, Jimmy! What if he kills them?!"

Effie burst into tears for the first and only time during the Exile (as you mentally refer to it from here on out). You reached out and pulled her into your arms, hugging close like she had done for all the younger children during their nightmares. A vague memory of a song she hums for them came into your mind, and though you couldn't quite remember the tune, you did your best, and it fell into place. You hummed it softly, trying to soothe her. You hated to see her cry.

xXx

Hope is difficult to find after escaping into the woods with Jimmy and Kevin and the other fourteen children, and even moreso after five of them die in two weeks. You expend too much energy and too many valuable calories digging their small graves with whatever you can find. After the second one, you sneak into the town and steal a shovel to make it easier to dig more, an inevitable tragedy to come with starving, sickly children.

Alfie, only four, is the first to die, less than a week in. By the end of the second week, you've also lost Zooey (5), Gianni (5), Victor (5), and Rosie (6). You do your best to give them a proper burial, even fashioning rude wooden crosses for them so you can find them when Starfleet comes.

The deaths of the five little ones leaves twelve of you, seven girls and five boys, all between seven and thirteen. Jimmy and Kevin are the oldest, followed a by a girl from the West African States, Opeyemi (12). You are the next oldest at eleven. There are two ten-year-olds, a boy named John and a girl called Shula. Both nine-year-olds are girls, Aparajita and Nanna. Two of the eight-year-olds are boys, Ned and Metin, and there is a girl, Shoshannah. The youngest is Keiko, age seven. Some watched their families die at the massacre, some were torn away from their families that day and sent to die alone.

You do your very best to care for them all, to find food, to keep them clean and as healthy as possible. Food is abundant in the woods you played in so many times before, and you are grateful you paid attention when the scientists told you what was edible and what wasn't. It helps that Jimmy knows how to trap animals for meat. Everyone else is largely useless, except for Opeyemi and Shoshannah. You can only tell the others what to gather and where to find it and how much to gather. You pray Starfleet will arrive soon. You and Jimmy can't take care of these kids forever; you're still just kids yourselves.

Jimmy wears a brave face just like you do, but you suspect he's just really good at it from before. He seems less affected by hunger than the rest of you, less affected by what has happened in general. One day, you ask him about it.

"My stepdad was a piece of shit," he answers calmly, as if he has a hundred times before, "He would practically starve me and my brother by instating all these crazy rules for eating times and putting a lock on the fridge only he had a key for. Plus he'd set up all these crazy rules for us and take away our supper when we broke 'em. Of course, he'd be real good to us in the weeks before our mom back planetside so she wouldn't suspect anything, and he'd threaten to kill her if we told her anything. My brother ran away last year, and I got mad and drove a car into a quarry."

"And you lived?" you exclaim, "How?"

"Well, I kinda jumped out at the last minute. A cop took me home, and Frank gave me a pretty good whuppin' and called Mom. She was furious and came home right away. Then she got real pissed 'cause Frank hadn't told her Sam ran away. Boy, she was heated. And then she saw how skinny I was because Frank wasn't expecting her home so soon, so he couldn't fatten me up, and she saw that he whupped me, and she threw him right outta the house."

"Did she divorce him?"

"Not yet. It's a lot of work, and she works for Starfleet, so she isn't on Earth enough. She stayed home for a little bit, to get situated and to make sure Frank stayed away, and she asked one of the farmers if I could please stay with them while she was away and could they check up on the house every so often. Mr. Lundquist agreed because I was a pretty good kid for him and I offered to help out on their farm. He wouldn't even take any money from my mom to help pay for them taking care of me. Their last kid moved out a year or two before, so they were happy to have some help."

"How'd you get here?"

"My mom sent me here to live with my dad's family. I was very well-behaved while living with the Lundquists, so she sent me to the colony to meet them and live with them. Some reward for good behavior this is…" he says, trailing off.

"We'll be okay," you tell him, "We're gonna survive, and we're gonna get rescued."

"So you keep saying, Effie."

"Because it's true. I know it."

You both fall silent for a bit before Jimmy speaks again, his voice cracking with sadness.

"Why do bad things keep happening to me? It's not fair."

You chew your lip trying to come up with a good answer for him.

"Maybe…" you start, pause, collect your thoughts, continue, "Maybe it's because you're meant for something great, like a hero in the old, ancient Earth tales. They always had trials to overcome before they could fulfill their destiny. Maybe these are your hero trials, Jimmy."

"You think I'm a hero?"

"I have ten others to agree with me."

He offers you a watery smile, still trying not to cry from the unfairness of it all. You try to cheer him up by telling him all about the ancient heroes you mentioned and read about: Perseus, Gilgamesh, Siegfried, and Cuchulainn. You speak of their trials and heroic deeds. Jimmy listens with more than rapt attention, perhaps to make himself feel better about his own life and rough patches.

"Do you really think I'll be a hero one day, Effie?" he asks quietly.

You think about it briefly before answering, "Yes. Yes I do. A big hero."

"Well, I think you're a pretty big hero yourself, taking care of everyone. Maybe we're both meant for big things…"

You hadn't thought of that. You didn't feel like a hero, really. The kids need to be taken care of, so you take care of them. Thinking carefully, you suppose some would see that as heroic, but surviving a massacre is pretty heroic in and of itself. Perhaps every survivor is a hero in their own right, just for surviving.

You pray Starfleet will come soon.

  
_Mother cannot guide you._  
Now you're on your own.  
Only me beside you,  
Still, you're not alone.  
No one is alone. Truly.  
No one is alone.  
Sometimes people leave you  
Halfway through the wood.  
Others may deceive you,  
You decide what's good.  
You decide alone,  
But no one is alone. 

-'No One is Alone', _Into the Woods_ , Stephen Sondheim


	6. Even to Live

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter features a brief but mildly detailed description of an open mass grave.

All told, you and the Survivors live in the woods for about two months, foraging and trapping small game. Only you and Effie are brave enough and quick enough to perform nighttime raids on the town for things like medical supplies and blankets. There have been several near misses for both of you, very dangerous when capture means certain death, but you went miraculously unseen. You attribute it to luck and a bit of skill. Effie claims the Great Mother was watching over the both of you. She makes a convincing case.

You do, however, have more pressing matters at hand. Three of the survivors, Keiko, Ned, and Nanna, have fallen seriously ill from a combination of malnourishment, exposure to the elements, and grief. You and Effie do your best to keep them warm and well-fed, spooning them a savory broth in an effort to keep up their calorie intake. Effie is becoming increasingly worried about them, not wanting to dig anymore graves and with good reason. Shula thinks the smell of death is making them ill, that maybe some kind of disease had been carried on the wind from the dead. You aren't so sure. It would have made everyone sick.

Shula, Opeyemi, Effie, and you had all seen the mass, open grave where the 4,000 dead had been carelessly dumped, exposed to the elements. (The four of you went as none of you had family killed that day. You had all been sent to die alone a month earlier.) The bodies had been left uncovered and stripped of clothing. The heat of the sun had left them discolored and bloated, black clouds of flies hanging low over them. Some of the bodies had burst open, spilling pus and fluid down into the pile. Native carrion birds circled overhead, ready to feast on the decaying flesh. It was like the pictures you had seen in a book on Earth's Second World War and the 20th Century Holocaust: emaciated bodies thrown haphazardly into a mass open grave, left for the scavengers to devour. You wonder vaguely who had the awful job of disposing of the bodies, of removing them from the town square. Opeyemi pondered aloud how long it would be before they were all skeletons. None of you had an answer. You aren't sure how long you all sat there, disconnected in a strange way from the carnage, watching the carrion birds begin to pick at the corpses.

It is sometime in November, about two months after the massacre, when Effie comes sprinting over from her watch post, crying, "They're here! They're here, Jimmy! Oh, God, they finally came!"

Terror claws at your throat. You have to get everyone to safety. The governor's men cannot capture any of you. Capture is death. You quickly run scenarios in your head, figuring out where you can all go, who could carry what (or whom), when Effie throws herself in to your arms, weeping.

"Effie, it'll be okay," you whisper, "Come on, I need you to be strong for every-"

"No, Jimmy, it's not Kodos' men! It's Starfleet!" she exclaims joyfully, "Everyone, Starfleet landed! They've put a ship in orbit and sent a landing party to save us! We're safe!"

Tears roll down your cheeks before you can stop them. The only ones who do not immediately weep for joy are Keiko, Ned, and Nanna, who are too weak to even move. You turn and look at your ragtag group of children deemed detrimental to the survival of the colony, your group of survivors. Some, like John and Aparajita, were selected because of medical reasons, as both were often ill. Not so anymore. You were chosen because you were not a permanent member of the colony, for being a visitor, like Shula and Opeyemi. Metin's family's profession was seen as redundant, and thus they were all sentenced to die; it was the same with Keiko and Ned. Effie's selection was political. No matter the cause, you were all expected to die quickly and easily, and none of you has done so. Even those who had perished early on had fought until their end. Now here you all are. Survivors.

You and Effie waste no time in delegating tasks to everyone, including who should carry the three who can't walk. Aparajita, John, and Kevin each carry one of the sick ones on their backs, while everyone else collects the food, blankets, medicine, and other dwindling supplies. Once everything is gathered up, you all make your way to the town. Effie clutches your hand tightly, not wanting to let go. You can't blame her.

The first adult you see is a Starfleet captain, proclaimed by the stripes (big-small-big) on the sleeves of his gold tunic. He is conventionally handsome and middle-aged, his brown hair flecked by some silver strands. He kneels in front of you instead of towering over, his grey eyes running through emotions almost faster than you can see them: astounded, sad, angry, sad again. You can't help but like him already.

"Hi," the man says calmly, "My name is Chris. I'm from Starfleet, and we're here to help you."

"What took so long?" you ask plainly.

Chris isn't fazed as he answers, "Because no one told us there was a problem."

You look him over to determine if he's telling the truth, then lean into Effie and say, "I knew it. I knew Kodos never called the 'Fleet."

"Well, I coulda told you that."

Chris asks, "How's that?"

"Simple," you explain, "Kodos said he would call Starfleet, but then he told us that you guys abandoned us to starve. Well, I know that Starfleet is required to send aid to any Federation planet or colony requesting it."

"So if he contacted you," Effie continues, "You would have come right away."

"That's pretty smart."

You only shrug. It's common sense. Effie asks the captain, "Can you please have some of your doctors look over the kids? A few of 'em are pretty sick."

"They're on their way," Chris replies, "I called for 'em as soon as I saw you all coming out of the woods. You should go with them too, when they arrive. They'll want to –"

"No, we're fine," you both say abruptly.

"Now, listen here," he tells you, his tone firm and fatherly, "you _all_ need medical attention. Once you've been checked out, then someone will come get you and you can tell us what happened. Here, we've got one of the best hospital ships in orbit, the USS Comfort. They'll take good care of you."

"The others can go, but we have too much to tell you," Effie replies, "There were five more of us that survived the massacre, but-"

"Wait? What? The massacre?"

"Yes."

"I thought you just went into the woods to find food. You're telling me you survived the _massacre_?"

"Yes. Seventeen of us. All kids under thirteen. Jimmy here and Kevin are the oldest. The youngest was four, but him and the other young ones died. I have to show you where I buried them so you can ID the bodies… tell their families if their families are alive."

Chris is visibly flustered by Effie's calm demeanor and lack of emotion, but he says, "Of-of course. I'll get a team together… umm… what's your name, sweetie?"

"I'm Winifred. I'm eleven."

"And you… you buried _five_ bodies?" Chris asks quietly.

Effie only nods. Chris looks horrified and incredulous, as if perhaps he thinks he's just wandered into horror film nightmare and can't decide if it's all real. _Well, sorry, Mr. Starfleet Captain, it sure as hell did happen. Sorry for humanity to disappoint you._ If you were being fair, you weren't entirely sure that it was real yourself when it all first happened. Chris goes over to talk with his team. Effie does not look at you when she says, "Go to the doctors, Jimmy. You need looked after."

"So do you," you reply, "I won't go without you."

She squeezes your hand a bit tighter. When Chris returns, you and Effie (mostly Effie) lead him into the woods, to the little cave where you all lived, and from there you all approach the five small graves.

"How did you do this, Winifred?" Chris asks.

"I had to do the first one with sticks and stuff, but after that I stole a shovel from town so it would be easier," she answers emotionlessly.

You know by the look on his face that that wasn't the answer Chris had either wanted or expected. He quickly herds the two of you back to town, likely to spare you from seeing the disinterred remains of five young children, even though you were the ones who put the fresh bodies in those graves. Effie's face remains a carefully constructed mask of indifference, and you're sure yours matches.

Yours does break when you see Aunt Ellie and Uncle Leslie. Your face splits into a wide grin upon seeing them, and you throw yourself into their arms, wrenching your hand from Effie's very unceremoniously. Only when you turn to look at Effie, still stoic and guarded, does your smile fade. You gently disengage yourself from their arms, explaining that Effie needs you now because she has no one else.

"Effie?" a voice cries, a boy's voice, "Is that you? EFFIE? EFFIE!"

Her brothers Whit and West come barreling across the square, nearly knocking over a Starfleet ensign in their haste to reach their baby sister. Effie lets out a squeal of joy and leaps into their waiting arms. You are glad to see her parents are nowhere to be found, and you return to the safety and comfort of your family's arms. It is nice to know you are loved before you are ushered off to the waiting hospital ship Comfort.

That is the last you really see of Effie and her brothers. You hear that they are to be sent to Earth to live their paternal grandparents, as their maternal grandparents had disowned them. Your mother comes to retrieve you five days later, newly divorced from Frank, livid at his lack of concern for your welfare and trespassing on her property, namely the house you grew up in. She smothers you with kisses, dripping tears on your face and endlessly thanking Aurelia and Leslie for their good care of you. The doctors deem that you have had no irreparable damage, though they urge your mother to take you right to a hospital if she wants to take you home to Riverside.

Chris makes sure the information on the Nine Survivors (Keiko, Ned, and Nanna did not survive another day) is buried beneath a mountain red tape, so no one will hound them for information, and the Survivors themselves make a pact to never speak to the media without consulting the others first. Your files all simply read 'survivor-Tarsus IV famine-2246.' There are few even in the small town of Riverside that ask you what happened, and when they do you do not give a straight answer. You just say that you lived through some awful stuff and leave it at that. You hope to erase Tarsus IV from your memory, though you know it will be impossible.

Nightmares plague your sleep for the years to come, especially around the anniversaries of famine events. You dream of zombies and seas of blood and cannibals and the evil laugh of Gov. Kodos. You heard he'd died on Tarsus IV after the colonists realized he'd never called Starfleet or the Federation for aid at any point, had disrupted all off-planet communication, and had murdered all the scientists and colonists to test a theory. The people stormed the governor's mansion and set it ablaze with Kodos inside. All that was found was a charred corpse. You dream of the burnt face laughing the flames of the burning mansion. You do not sleep well.

Tarsus IV dominates the media for nearly a year, with news of the famine, the survivors, and the trials of those charged with crimes against humanity. Such a tragedy, an unthinkable crime, had not happened in decades, and the people were enthralled by the tales of bravery and courage. You actively avoided the spotlight, and your mother was more than happy to help. Your mother even leaves Starfleet active duty and gets a position at the shipyard in Riverside so she can stay home with you.

After a year, Tarsus IV becomes history. Only on the anniversary of the massacre or when it benefits someone politically does the media acknowledge that it happened, though it gets written into every history, political science, and ethics textbook produced after that. It became the hot debate in every classroom, so much so that whenever it was brought up, it was met with a series of rolling eyes. You get sick of it yourself. In your freshman year of high school, a senior asks you what it felt like to starve. You get suspended for three days for beating the shit out of him, though it was only because it was protocol. Your fists become your way of settling disagreements you don't feel like wasting time or words on, a way to receive attention and to hide from it. You don't have to be little genius Jimmy Kirk, progeny of the late and wonderful George Kirk, bound only for great things. You get to be Jim Kirk, the lonely, wayward son who never got to meet his father and has just kept on suffering and would probably never amount to anything good. It's freeing.

You get arrested a few times in your youth, mostly for assault and battery and drunk in public. You occasionally wonder what the others are doing, Shula and Opeyemi and Kevin and Shoshannah and Effie, especially Effie. Her parents were the highlight of the Tarsus IV trials, having sacrificed their daughter to die so they could live. You wonder where they live now, with their grandparents, if they're doing okay, if they're as messed up as you.

You wonder if they ever think of you, too.

  
_Sometimes even to live is an act of courage._

~Lucius Annaeus Seneca


	7. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jim language and thoughts in this chapter are not exactly the epitome of feminist thinking, but I figured when he's on the prowl, he's not really thinking politically correct thoughts. I mean, really, he's there for one thing and one thing only.

Jim revels in the first leave he gets from campus, about two months into the first semester. He's sick of doing work and putting up with professors griping at him for _not_ being his father. Bones just huffs when Jim whines to go out to the bars.

"Come on, Bones… I just wanna go out and hit on pretty girls," Jim pouts.

"Yeah, and I hope they hit ya right back, ya whiny bastard," Bones mutters.

Jim pouts and whines some more, and eventually he's put up enough of a fuss that Bones agrees to go out with him to the bar but, "I don't wanna hafta listen to that godawful club music they play up here! It ain't real music!"

"Fine then… how about a country bar? I heard about one the other day. I think you'll fit right in there, Bonesy."

They both roll out of their dorm room in faded jeans, button-up flannel shirts with the sleeves rolled up over worn T-shirts, and grungy old boots. The bar isn't too far from campus, so they hoof it instead of hailing a cab, and Jim loves the views on the way there. City girls either love hicks or hate them; there's no real in-between. He and Bones garner several appreciative looks as they approach the bar.

The Rockin' K a little, country hole-in-the-wall set back from the main streets of San Francisco. Upbeat guitar music throbs through the building and spills out into the street, where patrons stand around sipping beers and smoking cigarettes. Jim likes it already, and even Bones is smiling a bit. Inside is a long bar down one wall, then some tables, with most of the indoor space being taken up by a huge dance floor. Jim eyes those country queens out on the floor in their cutoff shorts and cropped shirts, but there's one in particular that draws him in. She's dancing by another girl, probably just her friend and not girlfriend. Her hair is long and dark and wavy, bouncing as she moves to the beat of the music. Also bouncing is that cute little butt at the top of her long legs… well, long for her; she's short. Those legs are tucked neatly into tan Western boots. She's squeezed perfectly into cutoff shorts, and Jim wants to know if her breasts are as round and perky as her ass. Yeah, Jim wants her for sure. Time to put his moves on her, and maybe they'll both get what they came for tonight.

Jim slips onto the dance floor during an old song from the 21st century and makes his way to her. She doesn't seem to mind, and oh, does she shake it for him like the songs says.

" _Shake it for the young bucks sittin in the honky tonks/ for the rednecks rockin til the break of dawn/ for the DJ spinnin that country song/ Come on, come on, come on/ Shake it for the birds, shake it for the bees/ shake it for catfish swimming down deep in the creek/ for the crickets and critters and the squirrels/ shake it to the moon, shake it for me girl…"_

He leans in, smug, and whispers to her, "Well, can you shake it for me, girl?"

There's a flash of a grin, and the dark-haired beauty backs up, grinding into him. His hands slide onto her hips. Kind of firm, but there's a bit of give under his fingertips.

" _Country girl, shake it for me, girl/ shake it for me, girl/ shake it for me…_ "

She's getting him all riled up and hot-n-bothered and _damn_ is he lucky he saw her first. They're going to have to go somewhere private real soon if she keeps this up. He runs his hands up to her slim waist. Lord, she's shaped like an hourglass, and Jim gets even more excited. He leans in closer and rests his chin on her shoulder, using it as an opportunity for some reconnaissance. He was right about the breasts. When the song finishes, the beauty turns to look at him, and her eyes go wide. She takes a step back. _Shit, do I have a reputation already?_

" _Jimmy_?"

He doesn't have time to react before she grabs his arm and drags him off the dance floor to a quiet corner while he tries to figure out how the hell she knows him. He never forgets a face, especially not one like hers… and he'd _never_ forget that ass. She had to have known him well, however, for her to call him Jimmy. He racks his brain to find the answer. In the corner, she lets go and grins up at him, saying over the music, "Jimmy, you bastard! I thought I'd never see you again! This is so awesome!"

The grey eyes shine cheerfully, It clicks.

"Oh my-! Effie! _You're_ Effie?"

"Well, I'm not eleven anymore," she replies, "and you sure aren't thirteen."

"No… no, we're not… wow, how are you? I haven't seen you since… well, how have you been, Effie? Where have you been?" he stammers out.

"Living with my grandparents and brothers in South Jersey and doing well. I, uh, I went to seminary and divinity school. I know you're not shocked by that at all. What you will be shocked by is that I am currently at Starfleet Academy to be a chaplain."

"Starfleet? No way, me too!"

"You're in Starfleet, too? Shut up! No way!"

"Yes way," he laughs, "It's true, I swear."

"Well, how 'bout that. Maybe we'll end up on the same ship one day, like that new one, the Enterprise. Oh! You'll never guess who recruited me, Jimmy. Remember that 'Fleet captain that came and rescued us? I think the ship was the Aldrin. Anyway, his name was-"

"Chris Pike. Yeah, he recruited me, too."

Effie just shakes her head, saying, "Of course he would come and get us. I always got the feeling he liked us. Guess I didn't know how much."

"I dunno about that," Jim replies, "Anyway, we've gotta catch up. It's been a long time. And just call me Jim. I think I'm a little too old for Jimmy now."

"It's alright, Jim. I prefer Fred or Freddey now myself. Effie never did sound right after all that… unless you say it. It's so good to see you again. It really is. I've always wondered what happened to everyone."

"Well, for a while I wasn't much- Bones! Hey, Bones, meet my old friend, Freddey. Freddey, this my friend and roommate Dr. Leonard McCoy. I call him Bones-"

"And I hate him for it," Bones butts in, "Pleasure to meet ya, Freddey."

"And you, Leonard."

"Come on, Freddey," Jim grins, throwing an arm over each friend's shoulders and leading them to a table, "We have so much to talk about. How is everyone?"

"Oh, yeah, Whit and West are great! Oh, I've got so much to tell you…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! This one was a beast to write, and it was only followed by more beasts. I hope you enjoyed it, and if you liked my OC Effie/Freddey, you can find her in my ongoing fic 'If My Heart Keeps Singing.'
> 
> I hope to soon begin putting up another in progress series that focuses more heavily on Freddey as she interacts with the major characters at the Academy on the Enterprise that I have tentatively called 'The Chaplain's Log'.


End file.
